How to Write an Obituary: What to Include, the Format, and Help When You Need It

An obituary tells people that someone has died, gives a short story of their life, names the family they leave behind and says when and where to say goodbye. Most families write one within a day or two of the death, often while also planning the funeral. This page explains how to write an obituary: what to include, the usual obituary format, how long it should be and where it gets published. There's also a sample obituary Toastful wrote from a fictional granddaughter's notes, and an obituary writer that turns your own facts into a draft in about a minute.

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Obituary, death notice or eulogy: which one are you writing?

These three get mixed up, and the funeral director may ask for more than one, so it helps to know the difference.

An obituary is a written life story, usually 200 to 500 words. It's posted on the funeral home's website, shared online and sometimes printed in a local paper. It's written in the third person ("she," "he" or "they"), never "I," and it reads like a short, warm biography.

A death notice is the short version: name, age, town, date of death, closest family and service details, often under 100 words. Newspapers usually charge for it, so families keep it brief. In the UK it's often called a death announcement, and in Australia funeral directors usually place a funeral notice in the paper for you.

A eulogy is a speech given out loud at the service, built from memories and spoken to the room. You can borrow facts from the obituary, but don't read the obituary aloud as a eulogy. Most people there will already have read it.

What to include in an obituary

Start by gathering facts, not writing sentences. Ask an older relative to check spellings, dates and the order of marriages and children, because someone will notice a mistake once it's published. Here's what most obituaries include, roughly in this order. Leave out anything the family would rather keep private.

  • Full name, including a middle name, maiden name or nickname people knew them by.
  • Age, the town where they lived, and the date (and if you like, place) of death.
  • Birth date and birthplace, and their parents' names.
  • Education, work, military service and any long-held role in the community.
  • Marriage: the spouse's name and, if you like, the year they married.
  • Two or three personal details: what they loved, what they were known for, a saying or habit.
  • Survived by: spouse, children (with their spouses), grandchildren, siblings.
  • Preceded in death by: parents, a spouse, a child or siblings who died before them.
  • Service details: visitation, funeral or memorial, and burial, with dates, times and places.
  • Memorial donations or an "in lieu of flowers" request, and any thanks to hospice or caregivers.

Obituary format: the order most families follow

There's no legal rule for obituary format, but readers expect a familiar order, and following it makes your obituary easy to scan for the facts people need. Funeral homes and newspapers use roughly the same layout:

  • Announcement: one sentence with the full name, age, hometown and date of death. For example: "Ruth Ellen Baker, 87, of Muncie, Indiana, died on Sunday, October 4, 2026."
  • Life story: birth, childhood, school, work, service and marriage, in time order. Keep it to the highlights.
  • Personality: what made them who they were, shown through specific details rather than general praise.
  • Family: "survived by" first, then "preceded in death by." Spouses of children often go in parentheses, such as "Ann (Mark) Lewis."
  • Service details: what, when and where. Use a clear placeholder like [date and time of service] until it's confirmed.
  • Donations, thanks and a short closing line.

How to write an obituary, step by step

Write the announcement sentence first. It's the hardest line emotionally and the easiest technically, and once it's down the rest comes faster.

Next, lay out their life in time order using short, plain sentences. You don't need every job or every address. Pick the chapters they'd want remembered: where they grew up, the work they were proud of, the person they married, the places they called home.

Then add the part people actually remember: personality. Skip lines like "she never met a stranger" unless you follow them with proof. "She knew the name of every cashier at the Kroger on Main Street" says far more.

Write the family list carefully. Agree with your siblings on how to handle stepchildren, ex-spouses, partners and estranged relatives before it's published, not after.

Finally, read it aloud, then have one other family member check every name, date and spelling. Ask the funeral home about the deadline and any word limit. Cause of death is optional. Many families leave it out, and some include it to raise awareness or answer questions in advance.

How long should an obituary be, and where does it go?

Most obituaries run 200 to 450 words. That's long enough for a life story, family and service details without losing readers. A short obituary of 120 to 200 words works well for a printed notice or when the family prefers privacy. A long life story of 500 to 700 words suits an online memorial with no space limits.

Where it's published shapes the length more than anything else. Newspapers usually charge by the line, word or column inch, plus extra for a photo, and costs vary a lot from paper to paper, so ask for a quote first. Many families run a short death notice in print and the full obituary online.

  • Funeral home website: usually included in the funeral home's services, with room for photos and condolences.
  • Local or hometown newspaper: paid, with set deadlines, often placed for you by the funeral director.
  • Online memorial sites and social media: free, quick, and easy to share with friends far away.
  • Order of service or funeral program: a short version of the obituary often appears here too.

How Toastful's obituary writer works

If you're staring at a blank page, Toastful's obituary writer can give you a first draft to work from. Choose who you are (daughter, son, wife, husband, grandchild, friend, or writing on behalf of the family), enter their full name, age or years and hometown, then answer a few questions: key dates and places, the main chapters of their life, what they were like, who survives them and who died before them, plus any service details and memorial donation wishes.

Pick a tone (warm and personal, traditional, or gently lighthearted) and a length: short like a newspaper notice, standard like a typical online obituary, or a long life story. The obituary generator writes in the third person and uses only the facts you give it. It won't guess dates, causes of death or service times, and it leaves clear [brackets] for details you haven't confirmed yet.

The preview is free. Unlock the full obituary from $9.95 with a print-ready PDF and an e-mailed copy, or choose Complete for $17.95 to add a newspaper death notice and a social media announcement written from the same facts. It's a one-time payment with a 30-day money-back guarantee. Then check every name and date with another family member before you send it to the funeral home.

Example obituary

Example 1: Granddaughter for her grandfather, warm and personal, typical online length

335 words

Samuel Chukwuemeka Okafor, 84, of Columbus, Ohio, died at home on October 9, 2026.

Samuel was born on June 12, 1942, in Onitsha, Nigeria, to Josiah and Grace Okafor. In 1963, he came to the United States on a scholarship to study engineering at Ohio State University. He graduated in 1967.

He spent 34 years as a civil engineer with the Ohio Department of Transportation, where he helped design bridges along I-70. In 1969, he married Felicia Nwosu. They lived in the same house on the north side of Columbus for 51 years. He was also a founding member of St. Peter's Igbo Catholic community.

To his family, he was Grandpa Sam. He was a gentle, precise man who wore a tie to the grocery store and wrote everything in pencil so he could fix it later. His favorite saying was "Measure twice, and be kind once," and he lived by it.

Samuel grew tomatoes and bitter leaf in his backyard and gave the extra to every neighbor on the street. He taught all nine of his grandchildren to play chess, and he never let anyone win on purpose. He loved highlife music, Ohio State football, and a long Sunday lunch with the whole family around the table.

He is survived by his wife of 57 years, Felicia; his children, Ngozi (Michael) Adams, Chidi (Rachel) Okafor and Obiageli Okafor; nine grandchildren; one great-grandson, Elijah; and his sister, Comfort Eze, of Enugu, Nigeria.

He was preceded in death by his parents, Josiah and Grace Okafor, and his brother, Benjamin.

A funeral Mass will be held at St. Peter Catholic Church in Columbus on [date and time of service].

In lieu of flowers, the family asks for gifts to the Ohio State University College of Engineering scholarship fund.

The family thanks the hospice nurses who cared for Samuel at home, especially Teresa, for their kindness and care.

Samuel built bridges, tended gardens and gathered family around his table. He will be missed by all who knew him.

What the writer told Toastful to get this letter
Writer
Adaeze, granddaughter
Basics
Born June 12, 1942, in Onitsha, Nigeria, to Josiah and Grace Okafor. Died at home in Columbus on October 9, 2026.
Life story
He came to the United States in 1963 on a scholarship to study engineering at Ohio State, and graduated in 1967. He worked 34 years as a civil engineer for the Ohio Department of Transportation and helped design bridges along I-70. He married Felicia Nwosu in 1969, and they lived in the same house on the north side of Columbus for 51 years. He was a founding member of St. Peter's Igbo Catholic community.
Personality
Grandpa Sam was a gentle, precise man who wore a tie to the grocery store and wrote everything in pencil so he could fix it later. He grew tomatoes and bitter leaf in the backyard and gave the extra to every neighbor on the street. He taught all nine grandchildren to play chess and never let anyone win on purpose. He loved highlife music, Ohio State football and a long Sunday lunch with the whole family around the table.
Survivors
His wife of 57 years, Felicia; his children, Ngozi (Michael) Adams, Chidi (Rachel) Okafor and Obiageli Okafor; nine grandchildren; one great-grandson, Elijah; and his sister, Comfort Eze, of Enugu, Nigeria.
Predeceased
His parents, Josiah and Grace Okafor, and his brother, Benjamin.
Service
A funeral Mass will be held at St. Peter Catholic Church in Columbus. The family has not set the date and time yet.
Donations
In lieu of flowers, the family asks for gifts to the Ohio State University College of Engineering scholarship fund.
Extras
The family thanks the hospice nurses who cared for him at home, especially Teresa. His favorite saying was 'Measure twice, and be kind once.'
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Frequently asked questions

How do you start an obituary?

Start with the announcement: full name, age, hometown and date of death in one sentence, such as "Thomas James Reilly, 79, of Scranton, Pennsylvania, died on October 3, 2026." You can add a second sentence that sums the person up, like "He spent 40 years fixing his neighbors' cars and refused payment for almost all of it." After that, move into their life story in time order.

How long should an obituary be?

Most obituaries are 200 to 450 words. A newspaper death notice is often under 150 words, because papers usually charge by the line or word and costs vary widely, so ask for a quote. Funeral home websites and online memorials are usually free and have room for more. Many families print a short version in the paper and post the full obituary online.

Who usually writes the obituary?

Usually a close family member: a spouse, an adult child or a grandchild, often with help from siblings. Sometimes a friend, a niece or nephew, or the funeral director drafts it from a form the family fills in. Some people write their own obituary ahead of time. Whoever writes it, have at least one other relative check every name, date and spelling before it's published.

Do you have to include the cause of death in an obituary?

No. Cause of death is entirely optional, and many obituaries leave it out. Some families include it to answer questions before people ask, to raise awareness, or to suggest a related charity for donations. Phrases like "after a long illness" or "unexpectedly" are a middle ground. Only use one if the family is comfortable with it, and never guess.

What should you not put in an obituary?

Leave out anything that could help identity thieves, such as a full birth date with birthplace, a mother's maiden name or a home address. Don't mention family disputes, who was or wasn't with them at the end, or details of the illness the family hasn't agreed to share. Avoid listing an estranged relative or skipping one without talking it through with the family first.

What is the difference between an obituary and a death notice?

A death notice is a brief paid announcement with the essentials: name, age, town, date of death, closest family and service times. An obituary is longer and tells the story of the person's life, their work, their family and what made them who they were. Many families place a death notice in the newspaper and post the full obituary on the funeral home's website.

Is it okay to use an obituary generator?

Yes, as long as the facts come from you. Funeral homes have long offered fill-in forms, and an obituary generator works the same way, just faster. Toastful only uses the names, dates and details you enter, writes in the third person and marks anything missing with [brackets] so nothing gets guessed. Read the draft closely and change any line that doesn't sound like your family.

How does Toastful help me write an obituary?

You enter their name, age and hometown, then answer questions about their life, personality, family and any service plans, and choose a tone and length. In about a minute Toastful writes a third-person draft from your facts, with a free preview. The full obituary is $9.95 with a print-ready PDF and an e-mailed copy, or $17.95 Complete with a newspaper death notice and a social media announcement. One-time payment, 30-day money-back guarantee.

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