Example 1: Wife for her husband, heartfelt with a few laughs, about 4 minutes
507 words · about 4 min spoken
Good evening, everyone. I’m Renee, and I have the pleasure of being Darnell’s wife for the past 22 years. Thank you all for being here tonight to celebrate his 50th birthday with us. I want to give a special thank you to his sister Tasha, who flew in from Houston and somehow managed to keep this party a secret, and to Miss Gloria, who made the peach cobbler tonight—with sugar, I promise.
I met Darnell 25 years ago at a church softball game in Decatur. Some of you may have heard the story: He slid into second base, split his pants all the way down the back, finished the inning like nothing happened, and then, with more confidence than I’ve ever seen, asked for my number right after the game. That’s Darnell—steady under pressure, and unbothered by anything except the Atlanta Falcons losing a lead.
Darnell is the calmest person I know. He’s been teaching eighth-grade science for 24 years, which means he’s had plenty of practice staying calm while a room full of teenagers tries to set things on fire. He was named Teacher of the Year in 2019, and if you’ve ever seen him with his students, you know he’s proud of every one of them, from the star of the science fair to the kid who just barely remembers his homework.
He’s just as hands-on at home. I’ll never forget our first anniversary, when he tried to surprise me by baking my grandmother’s peach cobbler from memory. He used salt instead of sugar, served it with a straight face, and then sat there eating a whole bowl to prove it was ‘fine.’ I married a brave man—maybe a stubborn one, too. And last year, when Kayla’s science fair volcano refused to erupt at 11 p.m., there he was, in his bathrobe in the garage, testing baking soda until 1 in the morning. The next day, that volcano exploded so much it splashed a judge’s shoes. She still got second place, and he was as proud as if she’d split the atom.
You all know Darnell’s favorite phrase—‘Let’s think about this scientifically.’ He says it before every decision, whether it’s what to have for dinner or how to fix the lawnmower. And now that he has his reading glasses, we all get to watch him spend ten minutes hunting for them while they’re perched on his head. It’s become a family sport.
Being married to Darnell means I’ve been lucky enough to have someone who slows me down when I’m anxious, and who always says, ‘We’ll figure it out,’ and then actually does. He makes life steadier and a lot more fun.
So, Darnell, for the next chapter, I hope you finally take that Yellowstone road trip you’ve talked about since 2001—preferably in the Chevy, if it survives—and that we spend more Sunday mornings on the porch with coffee, just talking and not worrying about a thing.
(Raise your glass) To Darnell—happy 50th, and here’s to many more calm, sweet years ahead. We love you.
What the writer told Toastful to get this speech
- Speaker
- Renee, wife
- Relationship
- I'm his wife. We met 25 years ago, in 2001, at a church softball game in Decatur, Georgia. He slid into second base, split his pants down the back, finished the inning anyway, and asked for my number after the game. We've been married 22 years and have two kids, Jordan and Kayla.
- Personality
- Darnell is the calmest person in any room, until the Falcons are losing.
- Achievements
- Twenty-four years teaching eighth-grade science, and Teacher of the Year in 2019. Last spring he finished restoring his late dad's 1978 Chevy pickup after eleven years of Saturdays in the garage.
- Stories
- On our first anniversary he tried to surprise me by baking my grandmother's peach cobbler from memory. He used salt instead of sugar, served it with a straight face, and ate a whole bowl himself to prove it was 'fine.' Last year Kayla's science fair volcano wouldn't erupt at 11 p.m. the night before it was due, and Darnell was in the garage in his bathrobe until 1 a.m. testing baking soda. The next day it erupted so hard it splashed a judge's shoes. She got second place.
- Quirks
- Before every decision, even where to eat, he says, 'Let's think about this scientifically.' He got his first pair of reading glasses this spring and has already spent ten minutes hunting for them while they were on top of his head.
- Impact
- He taught me to slow down. I'm the worrier, and he's the one who says 'We'll figure it out,' and then actually figures it out.
- Thank-yous
- His sister Tasha, who flew in from Houston and helped keep this party a secret, and his mom, Miss Gloria, who made tonight's peach cobbler, with sugar.
- Wishes
- That he finally takes the Yellowstone road trip he's talked about since we met, in the Chevy if it makes it, and more Sunday mornings on the porch with coffee.