Traditional Wedding Vows: The Classic Words, and How to Make Them Yours

Traditional wedding vows are the set promises couples have repeated for centuries, like 'to have and to hold, from this day forward.' Below you'll find the actual wording used in Protestant, Catholic, civil, Jewish and Quaker ceremonies, each labeled by tradition, plus how the vows fit into the ceremony and how to add a personal line without breaking your church's or registrar's rules. If you want classic promises that still mention your real life, Toastful can write traditional-style vows from your own stories.

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Time to say
About 30 to 60 seconds each
How they're said
Repeated after the officiant, a few words at a time
Best-known wording
The Book of Common Prayer (1662)
Can you change them?
Depends on your church or registrar

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Traditional-style wedding vows examples

Each example below was written by Toastful from the answers shown under it, so you can see exactly how your own stories turn into a finished speech. Names and details are fictional.

Example 1: Classic and simple, echoing 'for better, for worse' (about 2 minutes, for the rehearsal dinner)

272 words · about 2 min spoken

Sofia, my love,

We met at a friend's wedding in Chicago in 2018. They sat us at the singles table next to the kitchen door. We spent the whole night quietly rating the speeches.

The first thing I noticed was that you laughed louder than anyone in the room. I have loved that sound ever since.

I knew you were the one in 2020, when my father had his stroke. You sat with my mother in the hospital waiting room for two days so I could stay at his bedside. You never once made it about yourself.

I love how you read the last page of every book first. I love that you call your grandmother in Puebla every Sunday. I love that you keep a list of things I mention wanting, and months later, you surprise me with them.

So today I make these promises, in my own words.

I promise to have and to hold you, from this day forward.

I promise to love you for better and for worse.

I promise to love you for richer and for poorer.

I promise to love you in sickness and in health.

I promise to sit with you in the waiting rooms, the way you sat with my family.

I promise to keep Sunday dinners going, with both our families at the table.

I promise to listen, to show up, and to never make you walk alone.

I look forward to growing old with you in our house, with a garden full of your grandmother's tomatoes.

Sofia, you are my home. I am yours, today and all the days of my life.

What the writer told Toastful to get this speech
Speaker
Daniel, vows to my wife
How they met
We met at a friend's wedding in Chicago in 2018. We were seated at the singles table next to the kitchen door and spent the whole night quietly rating the speeches. My first impression was that she laughed louder than anyone in the room.
When they knew
When my father had a stroke in 2020, Sofia sat with my mother in the hospital waiting room for two days so I could stay at Dad's bedside. She never once made it about herself.
What they love
She reads the last page of every book first. She calls her grandmother in Puebla every Sunday. She keeps a running list of things I've mentioned wanting and surprises me with them months later.
Promises
I want to make the traditional promises in my own words: for better and for worse, for richer and for poorer, in sickness and in health. I promise to sit with her in the waiting rooms the way she sat with my family. I promise to keep Sunday dinners going with both our families.
Looking ahead
Growing old in the house we just bought, with a garden full of her grandmother's tomatoes.
Extras
We're Catholic and marrying at St. Hedwig's, where we'll say the church's own vows. These are personal vows I'll read to her at the rehearsal dinner, so they should echo the traditional words: to have and to hold, for better or worse, in sickness and in health.
Write mine with my stories

Example 2: Short and romantic, built around 'to have and to hold' (about 1 minute, after civil vows)

165 words · about 1 min spoken

Owen, four years ago, you stood in a food bank in Seattle and blamed the cans.

They were not the problem. But I fell for you anyway.

I love the way you hum while you cook. I love that you remember the name of every coworker's kid. I love that you take the middle seat on every flight so I can have the aisle.

You make people feel seen. You make me feel at home.

So today, in my own words, I promise to have and to hold you.

I promise to stay for better and for worse, even in the bad weeks at work.

I promise to love you in sickness and in health. Yes, even through your very dramatic colds.

I promise to bring soup, and to say "I know, it's the worst cold ever" with a straight face.

I promise to choose you every morning.

Owen, you are my home, my middle seat, my favorite hum in the kitchen. I am yours.

What the writer told Toastful to get this speech
Speaker
Kenji, vows to my partner
How they met
We met volunteering at a food bank in Seattle. Owen was terrible at stacking cans and blamed the cans.
What they love
He hums while he cooks. He remembers the names of everyone's kids at work. He always takes the middle seat on flights so I can have the aisle.
Promises
To have and to hold, in my own words. To stay for better and for worse, including the bad weeks at work. To take care of him in sickness, especially his very dramatic colds. To choose him every morning.
Extras
We're having a civil ceremony at the courthouse with the standard 'to have and to hold' wording first, then I'll read these short personal vows. Please build them around the traditional phrases 'to have and to hold' and 'in sickness and in health.'
Write mine with my stories

How to structure it

  1. 1

    The declaration of intent: 'I will' or 'I do'

    Before the vows, the officiant asks each of you a question. In the 1979 Episcopal Book of Common Prayer it reads: 'Will you have this woman to be your wife; to live together in the covenant of marriage? Will you love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all others, be faithful to her as long as you both shall live?' You answer 'I will' (traditional). Many American ceremonies turn this into 'Do you take...?' and 'I do.'

  2. 2

    The vows, repeated in short phrases

    You face each other, usually holding right hands, and repeat after the officiant. The most familiar modern version (1979 Book of Common Prayer, traditional): 'In the Name of God, I, [Name], take you, [Name], to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death. This is my solemn vow.' Many civil and nonreligious ceremonies use the same words without 'In the Name of God.'

  3. 3

    The ring vow

    As each ring goes on, there's a shorter promise. The oldest familiar line is 'With this ring I thee wed' (Book of Common Prayer, 1662, traditional). The 1979 version reads: '[Name], I give you this ring as a symbol of my vow, and with all that I am, and all that I have, I honor you, in the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit (or in the Name of God).' Civil ceremonies often use 'I give you this ring as a sign of my love.'

  4. 4

    A personal line before or after, if it's allowed

    Many officiants let you say a sentence or two of your own just before the traditional words, or read short personal vows after them. Catholic and Orthodox ceremonies generally don't allow changes to the rite, so couples there often read personal vows at the rehearsal dinner, during a first look or in a letter on the wedding morning.

  5. 5

    The pronouncement

    The officiant then declares you married. The 1662 Book of Common Prayer says 'I pronounce that they be man and wife together' (traditional), and the 1979 version says 'I pronounce that they are husband and wife.' A civil officiant in the US usually says something like 'By the authority vested in me by the State of Ohio, I now pronounce you married.'

  6. 6

    Modernize the old words, if you want to

    Traditional doesn't have to mean frozen. Most couples swap 'thee' for 'you,' use identical vows for both partners, and drop 'obey,' which was in the bride's 1662 vow. Same-sex and nonbinary couples often use 'spouse' or 'partner' in place of 'wife' or 'husband.' Ask your officiant before you change anything, and in a civil ceremony check which words the law requires.

Opening and closing lines

Ways to open

  • “I, [Name], take thee, [Name], to my wedded wife (husband), to have and to hold from this day forward... (Book of Common Prayer, 1662, traditional)”
  • “In the Name of God, I, [Name], take you, [Name], to be my wife (husband)... (1979 Book of Common Prayer, traditional)”
  • “I, [Name], take you, [Name], to be my wife (husband). I promise to be faithful to you... (Catholic rite, traditional)”
  • “In the presence of God and these our friends, I take thee, [Name], to be my wife (husband)... (Quaker, traditional)”
  • “Harei at mekudeshet li b'taba'at zo k'dat Moshe v'Yisrael. 'Behold, you are consecrated to me with this ring according to the law of Moses and Israel.' (Jewish ring declaration, traditional)”
  • “I call upon these persons here present to witness that I, [Name], do take thee, [Name], to be my lawful wedded wife (husband). (Civil wording used in England and Wales, traditional)”
  • “I, [Name], take you, [Name], to be my lawfully wedded [wife / husband / spouse]... (Common US civil wording)”
  • “[Name], before I say the words our grandparents said, I want you to know I mean every single one of them.”
  • “[Name], these words are older than both of us. I chose them because I want a marriage that lasts as long as they have.”
  • “[Name], I'm going to make you the same promises people have made for hundreds of years, and then a few that are only ours.”

Ways to close

  • “...till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I plight thee my troth. (Book of Common Prayer, 1662, traditional)”
  • “...until we are parted by death. This is my solemn vow. (1979 Book of Common Prayer, traditional)”
  • “...to love you and to honor you all the days of my life. (Catholic rite, traditional)”
  • “...promising with Divine assistance to be unto thee a loving and faithful husband (wife), so long as we both shall live. (Quaker, traditional)”
  • “Ani l'dodi v'dodi li. 'I am my beloved's, and my beloved is mine.' (Song of Songs 6:3, often said or engraved at Jewish weddings, traditional)”
  • “With this ring I thee wed. (Book of Common Prayer, 1662, traditional)”
  • “Those are the old words, [Name]. Here's a new one: always.”
  • “Every couple who said these words before us had to live them one day at a time. I can't wait to start our days.”
  • “For better, for worse, and for every ordinary Tuesday in between, I'm yours.”

Fill-in-the-blank template

Prefer to write it yourself? Copy this and replace everything in [brackets].

[OPTIONAL PERSONAL PREFACE, IF YOUR OFFICIANT ALLOWS IT:]

[PARTNER'S NAME], [ONE SENTENCE ABOUT WHY YOU CHOSE THE TRADITIONAL WORDS, e.g. MY PARENTS SAID THESE SAME WORDS IN 1989, AND THEY STILL MEAN THEM].

[THE TRADITIONAL VOW, REPEATED AFTER THE OFFICIANT IN SHORT PHRASES:]

I, [YOUR NAME], take you, [PARTNER'S NAME], to be my [WIFE / HUSBAND / SPOUSE], to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, [UNTIL WE ARE PARTED BY DEATH / AS LONG AS WE BOTH SHALL LIVE].

[OPTIONAL PERSONAL PROMISES, ONE FOR EACH CLASSIC PHRASE:]

For better: I promise to [HOW YOU'LL CELEBRATE THE GOOD DAYS, e.g. DANCE IN THE KITCHEN WHEN YOU GET GOOD NEWS].

For worse: I promise to [HOW YOU'LL SHOW UP ON BAD DAYS].

For richer, for poorer: I promise to [A REAL PROMISE ABOUT SHARING, e.g. KEEP SAVING FOR OUR FIRST HOUSE WITH YOU, ONE CHEAP DINNER AT A TIME].

In sickness and in health: I promise to [A SPECIFIC WAY YOU'LL CARE FOR THEM].

To love and to cherish: I promise to [A SMALL DAILY HABIT].

[RING VOW:]

[PARTNER'S NAME], I give you this ring as a symbol of my vow, and with all that I am, and all that I have, I honor you [IN THE NAME OF THE FATHER, AND OF THE SON, AND OF THE HOLY SPIRIT / IN THE NAME OF GOD / LEAVE OUT FOR A CIVIL CEREMONY].

[OPTIONAL CLOSING LINE OF YOUR OWN, e.g. THOSE ARE THE OLD WORDS. HERE'S A NEW ONE: ALWAYS.]

Tips and mistakes to avoid

Do

  • Ask your officiant, priest or registrar which wording they use, and whether you can change it, before you print anything or order a vow book.
  • Pick 'take thee' or 'take you' and stick with it; you can keep the old rhythm and still drop 'thee' and 'thy' if they feel stiff.
  • Practice the repeat-after-me rhythm at the rehearsal, so your officiant knows how many words to feed you at once. Four to six words is comfortable for most people.
  • Say each phrase to your partner, not to the officiant. Turn your head back to them every time you repeat a line.
  • If your ceremony uses fixed vows and you want personal words too, read short personal vows at the rehearsal dinner or during a first look, or write a letter for the wedding morning.
  • Echo one traditional phrase in a personal line, like 'for richer, for poorer, and for every month we ate pasta to save for the house.' It links the old words to your life.
  • Give your officiant a large-print copy of the exact wording you agreed on, with breaks marked where you'll repeat.

Avoid

  • Don't assume you can rewrite Catholic or Orthodox vows; the words are part of the rite, and many priests won't change them.
  • Don't mix 'thee' and 'you' in the same sentence; choose old or modern wording and stay consistent.
  • Don't label something 'traditional' without checking its source; the well-known 'Apache wedding blessing,' for example, comes from a 1950s Hollywood film, not an Apache ceremony.
  • Don't try to memorize traditional vows; the officiant feeds them to you, so just listen and repeat.
  • Don't skip the legally required words in a civil ceremony; in England and Wales, for example, a declaration and contracting words must be said.
  • Don't rush through 'for better, for worse' like a shopping list; slow down, because these lines are the ones guests know by heart.

Frequently asked questions

What are the traditional wedding vows?

The best-known version comes from the Book of Common Prayer and is used, often modernized, in many Protestant, civil and nonreligious ceremonies: 'I, [Name], take you, [Name], to be my wife (husband), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part.' You repeat it after the officiant, a few words at a time.

What are the traditional Catholic wedding vows?

In the Catholic rite used in the US, each person says: 'I, [Name], take you, [Name], to be my wife (husband). I promise to be faithful to you, in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, to love you and to honor you all the days of my life.' The priest may instead ask the vows as questions you answer with 'I do.' Personal vows generally can't replace these words in the ceremony.

What do you say in a civil ceremony?

Most US states don't require specific vow wording, so officiants often use 'I, [Name], take you, [Name], to be my lawfully wedded wife (husband).' In England and Wales the law requires a declaration, such as 'I declare that I know of no legal reason why I, [Name], may not be joined in marriage to [Name],' and contracting words, such as 'I, [Name], take you, [Name], to be my wedded wife (husband).' The registrar confirms the exact wording.

Are there traditional Jewish wedding vows?

Jewish weddings traditionally don't include spoken vows in the Christian sense. The key words come when the groom places the ring on the bride's finger and says, in Hebrew, 'Behold, you are consecrated to me with this ring according to the law of Moses and Israel.' In many egalitarian ceremonies both partners say a version of it. The promises themselves are written in the ketubah, the marriage contract signed before the ceremony.

Do traditional vows still say 'obey'?

The 1662 Book of Common Prayer had the bride promise to 'love, cherish, and to obey,' while the groom promised to 'love and to cherish.' Most modern services give both partners the same promises, and where 'obey' still appears it's usually optional. If you find it in an older script and don't want it, ask your officiant for matching vows. It's one of the most common requests they get.

How long do traditional wedding vows take to say?

About 30 to 60 seconds per person, because you repeat short phrases after the officiant. With the declaration of intent and the ring vows, the whole exchange takes about 3 to 5 minutes. If you add personal words, keep them to about a minute, roughly 120 to 170 words, so the traditional promises stay at the center and you and your partner stay roughly matched.

Can we say traditional vows and personal vows?

Often, yes. A popular approach is to repeat the traditional vows for the legal or religious part, then read short personal vows to each other. If your church doesn't allow added words, move the personal vows to the rehearsal dinner, a private first look or a letter on the wedding morning. Agree on a rough length with your partner, so one set doesn't run far longer than the other.

Can Toastful write traditional-style vows for me?

Toastful doesn't replace your church's or registrar's set wording. It writes personal vows from your answers in about a minute, and the Short & simple tone gives you classic, easy-to-repeat lines that sit well beside traditional promises. Mention which traditional phrases to echo and it builds around them. You get a free preview. The full vows are $9.95, or $17.95 with a short version and an alternate-tone version added. One-time payment, 30-day money-back guarantee.

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