Wedding Officiant Script for a Friend: What to Say When You've Never Done This Before

[Processional. Wait until the music ends and the couple has reached the front. Smile, breathe, then begin.]

Good afternoon, everyone. Please, have a seat.

My name is DeShawn. I have been Kofi's best friend since we were eleven years old and playing soccer in St. Paul. I have known Elena for four years, and she is a close friend too. This is my first time ever officiating a wedding, so I am a little nervous. Kofi, I hope you feel the same way, because then we are even.

[To the guests]

We are here at this beautiful lake today to celebrate Elena and Kofi. Thank you for traveling, some of you a long way, to be here. Your presence matters to them more than they can say.

Two people are about to make promises to each other. All of us are here to witness them, and to promise that we will support them in keeping those promises.

[Pause. Turn toward the families.]

I want to thank the two mothers who are here today. Thank you for raising these two people, and for the love that brought them to this day. Elena and Kofi are who they are because of you.

We also feel the absence of someone who would have loved to be here. Elena's dad, Robert, died three years ago. We hold his memory today with love, and we know he is part of this day.

[Pause a moment. Then continue.]

Now, let me tell you how these two got here.

In 2020, Elena and Kofi met in a beginner pottery class in Minneapolis. Kofi's bowl collapsed on the wheel. Three weeks in a row. And three weeks in a row, Elena helped him rescue it.

Now, I have known Kofi a long time. I can tell you that most people would have given up on that bowl. Elena did not. That is the whole story of their marriage, really. Someone patient, someone who helps, and someone who does not walk away when things fall apart.

Their first date was coffee, "to discuss technique." Of course it was.

Last fall, Kofi proposed with a lopsided mug he had made himself. Inside, painted at the bottom, were the words "Marry me?" Elena did not see it until she finished her coffee. So, Elena, thank you for being thorough. And Kofi, thank you for trusting that she would get there eventually.

[To the guests]

Elena is direct and organized. Kofi is the gentle peacemaker. Together they make something steady. Every Sunday they cook dinner for whoever shows up, and I can tell you that usually it is me. I have never once left hungry, and I have never once left without feeling welcome.

And when Kofi's mom moved in after her knee surgery, Elena rearranged her work schedule for two months. She did it without a single complaint. That is not a small thing. That is love, shown in a calendar.

[Turn toward Maya]

Elena's sister, Maya, will now read a passage from The Velveteen Rabbit about becoming Real.

[Reader: Maya reads the Velveteen Rabbit passage about becoming Real. Step aside, then return to center when she finishes. Thank her quietly.]

Thank you, Maya.

[To Elena and Kofi]

Elena and Kofi, that passage says being Real does not happen all at once. It takes time. It takes being loved, worn a little, and held through the rough spots. You two already know this. You learned it with a wobbly bowl.

So here is my short advice, which I got from watching you both. Elena, when Kofi is being too gentle to say what he needs, ask him, and then wait for the answer. Kofi, when Elena is being direct, remember that it comes from love. And both of you, keep cooking Sunday dinner for anyone who shows up. A full table is a good way to live.

When something collapses, and something will, do what you did the first time. Sit down together and rescue it.

[Pause. Ask the couple to face each other and join hands.]

Please face each other and join hands.

[Note, not spoken: Legal wording requirements for the declaration of intent vary by place. Please check the rules for Minnesota and your county, and confirm with your marriage license paperwork before the ceremony.]

Elena, do you take Kofi to be your husband, to love him, to support him, and to build a home with him, in good times and in hard times?

[Elena answers: "I do."]

Kofi, do you take Elena to be your wife, to love her, to support her, and to build a home with her, in good times and in hard times?

[Kofi answers: "I do."]

[Personal vows. Turn to Elena first.]

Elena and Kofi have written their own vows. Elena, please begin.

[Elena reads her vows. Pause.]

Thank you, Elena. Kofi, it is your turn.

[Kofi reads his vows. Pause and smile.]

[Ring exchange. Ask for the rings.]

May I have the rings, please?

These rings are circles. They have no end. Let them remind you of the promises you just made.

[Hand Kofi Elena's ring. Have him repeat after you, a few words at a time.]

Kofi, place the ring on Elena's finger and repeat after me: Elena, I give you this ring. As a sign of my love. And my promise. To stand beside you. Today and always.

[Kofi repeats. Hand Elena Kofi's ring.]

Elena, place the ring on Kofi's finger and repeat after me: Kofi, I give you this ring. As a sign of my love. And my promise. To stand beside you. Today and always.

[Elena repeats.]

[Invite Uncle Kwame forward]

Before I pronounce them married, Kofi's Uncle Kwame will offer a short blessing for the couple.

[Uncle Kwame gives his blessing. Thank him when he finishes. Guests may bow their heads if they wish.]

Thank you, Uncle Kwame.

[Pronouncement. Stand tall, speak slowly.]

Elena and Kofi, you have made your promises in front of the people who love you most. By the authority given to me, and with great joy, I now pronounce you married.

Kofi, you may kiss your wife.

[The couple kisses. Wait for the cheers to settle.]

[To the guests]

Friends and family, it is my honor to present, for the first time, Elena and Kofi Mensah!

[Recessional. Step aside and let the couple walk out together. Then follow behind and take a deep breath. You did it.]

[Processional. Guests stay at their high-top tables and turn toward the aisle as Jess and Avery enter.]

Hi, everyone. Please, stay right where you are. No one has to find a chair. I'm Rachel, and I'm going to start by saying something I say very often: I introduced these two.

Yes, I'm bringing it up already. I told them I'd save it for the end, and here we are at the beginning.

We're here today to celebrate Jess and Avery, and to watch them get married. It's a happy day, and we're going to keep it short. I know some of you have been standing for a while, and the snacks are right over there.

[To the guests]

Before we begin, some thank-yous. Jess's parents flew in from Tennessee to be here. Thank you for making the trip. Jess is very lucky to have you, and today you get to watch her marry her favorite person.

And Diane, Avery's mom, thank you for being here. Avery, you've got your mom beside you today, and I know that means a lot.

To all of you, thank you for showing up. These two are surrounded by people who love them, and you can feel it in this room.

Now, let me tell you how we got here.

In 2018, I recruited both Jess and Avery for my kickball team. It was a very bad adult kickball league. I want to be clear about that. We were not good. But we had fun, and it turned out that was the point.

In Avery's first game, Jess kicked the ball straight into Avery's iced coffee. Not near it. Into it. Most people would run away. Instead, Jess went and bought her a new one.

That's the whole story, really. Jess made a mess, and then she made it right. They started dating that summer.

Later, Avery proposed at that very same kickball field. The whole team stood in a line holding up letters that spelled MARRY ME. One teammate held his letter upside down. We love him anyway. Jess said yes, and I think she would have said yes even if the sign had said WARRY WE.

Now, a few words about why these two work.

Avery plans everything in spreadsheets. Jess is spontaneous. On paper, that sounds like a problem. In real life, Avery makes sure the plan exists, and Jess makes sure the plan is fun. Somehow they've figured out how to need each other.

They also have a no-phones rule at dinner. They look at each other and actually talk. And every Sunday, they do the crossword together, in pen. That takes trust. It means being willing to be wrong in front of someone and keep going anyway.

So here's my advice, and then I'll stop. Keep the no-phones rule. Keep making room for both the plan and the surprise. And when one of you kicks something into the other one's coffee, which will happen, own it and make it right.

Okay. Let's get to the part that counts.

[Note, not spoken: legal wording requirements for the declaration of intent vary by place. Check the local requirements for Oregon before the ceremony.]

Jess, do you take Avery to be your wife? To love her, to laugh with her, and to stand beside her in good times and hard ones?

[Jess answers]

Avery, do you take Jess to be your wife? To love her, to laugh with her, and to stand beside her in good times and hard ones?

[Avery answers]

Now, each of them has written a few words to say to the other. Jess, you're up first.

[Jess shares her personal vows]

Avery, whenever you're ready.

[Avery shares her personal vows]

Thank you both. That was beautiful.

Now, the rings. A ring is a simple thing, a circle with no end. It's a way of saying, out loud and in front of everyone, I'm yours.

[Couple exchanges rings. Jess goes first, repeating after Rachel.]

Jess, place the ring on Avery's finger and repeat after me: Avery, I give you this ring as a sign of my love. I choose you today, and I will choose you every day after.

[Avery repeats the same words to Jess.]

Avery, your turn. Place the ring on Jess's finger and repeat after me: Jess, I give you this ring as a sign of my love. I choose you today, and I will choose you every day after.

Jess and Avery, you have promised yourselves to each other in front of the people who love you most. By the power vested in me by your friendship and by the state of Oregon, I now pronounce you wife and wife.

You may kiss your wife.

[The couple kisses.]

[To the guests]

Friends and family, it is my great joy to present, for the first time as married partners, Jess and Avery!

[Recessional. Guests cheer as the couple walks out.]

And for the record, I'd like it noted that I introduced them.